no way to win

I've been put in a situation that is making me really stressed. Some friends are going up north tomorrow and I was called Thursday night to confirm a ride Friday night. Because I was told we didn't have novice coaching this weekend I agreed to go up. Unfortunately, a few hours after I confirmed I was asked to go to the SUS (Scottish Universities) archery match this weekend. I knew about the match, but didn't think that I would get asked to go because of my short time here and knew of the people that were already asked. Therefore, when I was asked, it was a huge surprise and I really wanted to say yes, but I had to think about the trip. I was given until tonight to decide so I got really stressed out. The whole situation makes me feel like I have to chose which friends I want to hang out with more. Iain and Co. going up north, or the archery group. I am signed up for the novice champs in a week that will give me chance to shoot against the other novices from other schools. I am really torn and felt really stressed out when I made my decision, I still don't know if I made the right choice.

pros of going to SUS match:

1. personal gratification for being asked to go to the match
2. hanging out with the archery group
3. being able to go to a proper university match in my short time here
4. will have time to revise and work

cons of going to SUS match:

1. currently not shooting well while I am still trying to use some of the coaching I got last Sunday and get used to different equipment.
   
2. if I shoot terribly I will just regret not going up north and feel miserable,
3. even if I shoot and EUAC wins the meet and goes on to win the other matches after I leave, my reward will be the satisfaction of going to the match.
   
4. feeling more and more distant from Iain and Co because I've been spending so much time with archery.
5. if I shoot poorly, it will only further the belief that some people EUAC have that I shouldn't have gotten a bow to shoot this term.
   
6. backing out of a confirmation that I already made making me unreliable and flaky. also giving the organizer a really hard time.
   

In the end I decided not to back out on the trip and turn down the opportunity that I was hoping to be given at least once this term. I don't know if I made the right decision or not and I feel like I can't please everyone. At the moment I fell miserable. Whatever choice I made I would have let someone down. I could hear it in the voices of the people I talked to last night. This and academics is really stressing me out. I plan to shoot a lot next week since I will only have one class on Monday and Thursday. This way I can feel confidant for the competition on Dec. 1 and be happy with my shooting. If I do well then, this will all be worth it.

remember?

Remember all those multiple choice exams you took in high school? I just took one today for the practical aspect of reproductive biology. I remember being told to always follow your instinct and unfortunately, I didn't follow that advice and regretted it today. There were 2 questions about different placental types, which made me want to rethink my initial answer to the type of placenta found in a pig. Too bad I didn't follow my instinct and proceeded to get two questions on a 25 question multiple choice test WRONG! Plus the fact that there were many questions that I had to make an educated guess on the answers for. Oh alas, where have my multiple choice exam taking skills gone? Caltech=atrophy of said skills. Need to regain them for my Edinburgh final exams and the MCAT, what should I do?

soaked

I just found out that my friend Todd was indeed the badass I thought he was. He recently was one of the 32 (?) people awarded the Rhodes Scholarship. He was pretty stressed about the whole fellowship application process earlier in the year, but I knew that he had nothing to worry about. With his amazing academic, research, and extracurricular activities, I knew that he was going to be fine. If you are a Lloydie reading this, and you haven't done so, go over to Todd's room and congratulate him in person, 'cause I can't. I am so jealous... Todd, if you are reading this, why on earth did you submit what looks like your high school senior photo to the newspaper??

On a different note, I just had the pleasure of getting soaked while I walked to my 5:10pm class in Appleton Tower only to find that the building was closed because of a power outage. The professor didn't even know that it had happened and also showed up, just as I was leaving. So lame.

broken

I did it again, I woke up and walked to KB when I didn't have lecture. Apparently my class this morning was cancelled a couple weeks ago, but I didn't check WebCT, so I didn't know. Then again, neither did half the class the showed up and sat in the lecture hall 5 minutes into what was supposed to be the lecture.

I am angry at myself for missing Aimee's 21st birthday dinner. Mostly I'm angry at myself that I haven't done the things that I've wanted to do while I am in Edinburgh and missing the dinner has just made me realize what I am doing. Over the summer when we were living together, we wanted to do a lot of travelling when we were here in Scotland and maybe leave the country for each of our 21st birthdays. I've done none of these things. I haven't left the country since getting to Scotland. Aimee was able to get away to Dublin one weekend while I was stuck here. I think I've made a massive mistake. I thought classes here would be relatively easy going, but some of this material is pretty hard and I have a lot of revising to do. I am really worried about my biochemistry class. I realized as I tried doing the work for the tutorial today, that I didn't know how to do most of it. What am I doing? What is wrong with me? I think that I've broken myself and I need to find some way to put myself back together before I actually have to sit for final exams.

If you haven't, wish Aimee a happy (if belated) 21st birthday. Loosen those inhibitions on alcohol (a bit)!

marks...

I got my first grades yesterday. The essay from my philosophy class was graded and I think this may be my worst assignment ever. I scored under 50%. Granted I only need 40% to pass the class, but I hate turning in substandard work. I was told there was poor writing, improper referencing (by footnotes), and failure to answer the question properly. I am really angry because I don't know what was wrong with my referencing and I believe that I wrote about 2 topics like the essay requested. The topics I chose to write about were gender roles in scientific research and the process of new knowledge in female anatomy. Granted they are both about women, but I did not intend it to be one topic as the tutor commented. I really hope that this will be the low point in my grades for this term because that was a huge disappointment.

I shot in my first archery competition Friday with a score of 426, which was semi-respectable after 2 months. I was pleased because it was slightly higher than my e-league score last month and I did well amongst the novices from Edinburgh. I came third out of the 6 of us. The higher scores were 480 and 429. I am hoping to shoot over 500 by the time I leave here. Today I scored 464.

The pink-purple colour that I dyed the tips of my hair earlier this year is now gone. The colour had washed out a long time ago and I got tired to the straw/grassy look that I had for the last month. On Tuesday I bought some blue-black hair dye to cover the brown tips. I did it Tues. night by myself. The dye job went OK. I missed a few spots in the back, but I am told that it is barely noticeable. Right now it is more black, but it is bluer than yesterday, so I think the wash I did last night may have helped the colour.

the hazards of texting

I have officially learned my lesson with text messaging. I will never walk and text at the same time without periodically looking up. I recently experienced the painful consequence of attempting to text and walk down the street at the same time. I walked rather forcefully into a lamp post. My phone then proceeded to explode into the street. Nothing serious happened, the back cover and battery just flew out onto the street, but it was right by the curb so I just picked everything up and put my phone together. I felt really stupid and my head really hurt after that.

In other news, I was really satisfied with my shooting yesterday and I really wish I was scoring because I shot a couple of 10-9-9 ends, some 9-9-9 ends and some others that I was pretty proud of. I was really happy to be shooting relatively consistantly and I am starting to get used to the clicker I was given Monday. However, because I am only here for the term, I'm not really given priority in competitions. Also, e-league scores are up here and I performed respectably, but that was weeks ago and I think that I can score a higher now.

PGD, céilidh, and more archery

I am finally done with my major work for the week. I just turned in my essay for Reproductive Biology on preimplantation genetic diagnosis (PGD). Funnily enough we talked a bit about it in an ethical debate in my Physiology 3 class this afternoon and the lecturer couldn't remember what PGD stood for until I called it out. I hope that she isn't angry, I legitimately knew what it stood for because I just turned in a paper on the topic. Honest, I wasn't trying to make her look bad or be a smart ass...


Like I mentioned earlier, I had so much fun this last weekend. It was pretty busy and started with Iain's céilidh on Friday night. It was a bit ridiculous because it was in Inverleith, which is around Edinburgh, but not in town so I took a bus with my friend. It took us 2 hours to get to the party because the bus timetable did not match up with the actual timetable, so we just missed the bus and had to wait 20 min. We then spent around an hour on the bus. When we got to Ferry Road, I freaked that we had missed the stop and we got off. Big mistake, we got off at 241 and the address of the place was 523. We then proceeded to walk for approximately half an hour. I'm sure I started to irritate my friend because I was freaking out in the unnecessary way I always do when I think I am running late or forgot to do something important. When we finally got to the party I had an amazing time and got to dance a lot, unlike the last céilidh I attended. Unfortunately, the band kept playing the same songs, we there were about 3 dances that were on repeat the entire night. Despite this I had an absolutely amazing time and was really glad that I braided and pinned all my hair up. It was really hot! Aimee posted a really embarrassing video on her blog that you can catch a bit of me in. Thank goodness it is hard to make me out... I totally agreed with Kevin and Aimee, we need to have a céilidh when we get back to Tech. I totally regret not giving Iain and his family a proper good bye before I left because I had to pop into a cab that was waiting. (photo courtesy of Sarah Tung)


Saturday was great because it was the first time I didn't have to wake up early in the morning for archery novice training. The club was hosting an event for the novices from other Scottish universities. It was basically an all day training session with coaching, scoring, competition etiquette, equipment management, etc. The Edinburgh novices were told that we didn't have to show. We were supposed to shoot half a score of arrows in the afternoon, but we ended up shooting arrows at a shorter than usual distance with no target. It was very anti-climatic, but we did get to fully appreciate the archery program at Edinburgh. As a result, I wanted to shoot and do some scoring on Sun. Unfortunately, the guy who was supposed to text me to go the next day woke up too late to go to the range because of the long night on Saturday. It was probably best because Sun. is when I really worked on my essay that was due today. I wrote half of it that day and I was really proud. (Image courtesy of EUAC)

I didn't plan on going out Saturday night, but I ended up going to a club called Faith with the archery club. Before going to the club we met at Greyfriar's Bobby's Bar and watched a live performer that the captain of the team has become completely obsessed with and wanted to see again. The night was great because I got to sit around with people, chill, chat, and have some drinks. I didn't really have to dance at the club until I got physically dragged on the dance floor. Literally. Apparently it was quite funny to watch, because, despite my protests, there was nothing I could do about it. Dragged is probably an inappropriate description, picked up is probably more appropriate. It was so much fun though because the music was cheesy and there was none of that grinding stuff that I am super uncomfortable with. All in all it was a fun night and I headed back to halls at 3am. In my traditional Tech tradition I worked for a couple hours before going to sleep. Yes, I partied and then wrote half an essay.

From now on I've decided to just pop by the range between classes. There is usually someone down there shooting. I just got a clicker yesterday that I really need to get used to. I went to the range today around lunchtime to shot a bit and get more used to it, but I got pretty tired and was shooting terribly. The clicker is my excuse. I think it's because I draw back really slowly trying not to pull back too far and click before I aim. I'm starting to get a bit of a blister on my finger. I really need to spend more time shooting so I can fully take advantage of these things here. I don't know what I am going to do when I get back to Caltech. More practice tomorrow in the morning!

I'm sure that my parents aren't too happy about the way I have been allocating my time. They keep asking me about academics and how they are going. Of course I know nothing because nothing has been marked. My first assignments were only due a couple of weeks ago. Apparently they never give assignments back and they take a lot of time to grade said assignments. My parents asked me to write more about academics to Lauren on Fridays. I Bcc them, otherwise they email me and pester me for them. They think that Lauren wants to read that stuff. I distinctly remember her telling me during the interview that studying abroad is not strictly about academics, but living a little and being social. That's exactly what I have been doing, so I don't think that she can fault me.

I know its a long entry, but I don't really know if people are even reading this. I didn't update in a week, clearly slacking.

Guy Fawkes Night

Remember, remember the Fifth of November,

The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,

I know of no reason

Why Gunpowder Treason

Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent

To blow up King and Parliament.

Three-score barrels of powder below

To prove old England's overthrow;

By God's providence he was catch'd

With a dark lantern and burning match.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!

It's Guy Fawkes Night and I know a lot of Techers will be reading the above rhyme and thinking of Alan Moore's V for Vendetta, but remember, the premise of that was actually this holiday that is celebrated in the UK and sometimes called Bonfire night for the night Guy Fawkes tried to blow up Parliment.

Tonight a lot of people headed up to Arthur's Seat and the park around it to set off fireworks and bonfires. I dropped by with some archery people after novice training tonight. We stayed at the base because it is actually quite dangerous. There were definitely people that did not know how to set off fireworks that were celebrating tonight. We saw some fireworks go off sideways. Someone mentioned when they came down Arthur's Seat it was like fire was raining down from the crazy and probably drunk people setting the fireworks off in what I definitely think is a really dangerous manner.

My past weekend was probably the best one in a long time. I'll write more about it after I finish this paper that I am working on. It's due tomorrow...